And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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