Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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