I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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