The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
