I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
