i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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