hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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