I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Two words: blizzard sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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