I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
