im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
