oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
