Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
