so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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