Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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