Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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