You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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