Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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