these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i drank out of a bidet.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
