Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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