take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
