I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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