I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
