At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cut my penus on the lid.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
