Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
