i think my tv is drunk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
