I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
