its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
