this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
