It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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