Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
