6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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