I wish I could punch you in the face.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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