two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
