She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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