so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
