Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
