Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
