he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
