The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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