I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
