"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
