The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
