I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
