belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
