No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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