shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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