Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
