Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
