i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
