I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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