But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
